Butter Over Too Much Bread

I’ve found it difficult to reply to messages from my friends over the last few months. It’s a frustrating experience, and one that builds pressure as it continues. The longer I don’t reply to someone, the guiltier I feel; the guiltier I feel, the more I feel I should reply to them. And the more I feel that, the harder it becomes. And yet I still can’t reply.

That’s an exaggeration. I can reply, but the point remains. There’s a part of me that knows all I need to do is open up whatever app and write some response. My friends probably don’t care, they’ve lives of their own and are plenty busy enough; they’re certainly not hanging on my every word. But it has started to create a divide - it feels as if I’m pulling myself away from them, aware but unwittingly. I could be closer to these people I love if I talked to them more, if I engaged with them as I enjoy doing. I’m just struggling to do that at the moment.

I can’t put my finger on why exactly this is happening. Maybe I’ve stretched myself too thin, “like butter that has been scraped over too much bread.” I’d love to build deeper connections with local friend groups rather than spread thin across multiple groups, but that is also not the cause. It’s something I will have to consider more.